Once a lifelong deep sleeper, I never imagined insomnia would creep into my life — let alone take over. But as the years passed, so did my ability to fall — and stay — asleep. What started as occasional restlessness turned into a full-blown fixation. I tried everything: the sleep trackers, the fancy gadgets, the supplements, the blackout curtains. None of it worked. If anything, I was more wired, more obsessed, and further from rest than ever before.
That all began to shift when I let go of the idea of “perfect sleep” and focused instead on simple, physical methods of winding down — not just at bedtime, but throughout my day. With the help of sleep recovery therapist Lisa Sanfilippo, I found my way back to sleep. And not by hacking it — but by softening around it.
The Problem With Chasing Sleep
I’d become what Sanfilippo calls a “sleep perfectionist.” I was measuring REM scores with an Oura ring, importing melatonin, surrounding myself with weighted blankets and blue light-blocking alarm clocks — all in the pursuit of the elusive perfect night. But despite my best efforts, my mind and body were at odds. Sleep, it turns out, isn’t something you can force. It’s something you have to invite in gently.
Stress Lurks Beneath the Surface
While I didn’t consider myself overwhelmed, a wellness check with Sanfilippo uncovered underlying stress: chronic pain from fibromyalgia, my parents’ health issues, and the subtle unease that creeps in during midlife. “The body can’t relax if it doesn’t feel safe,” she told me — and it made sense. My body wasn’t resisting sleep out of defiance, but out of tension. And no amount of lavender oil could override that.
The Power of Moving the Body
Working with Sanfilippo, I began incorporating simple movements and somatic techniques that eased my nervous system into a state of calm. Not just before bed, but throughout the day. These physical cues — a stretch, a press of my palms into a wall, feet moving against the floor — became my tools for gently coaxing my body out of its guarded state.
Evening Rituals That Actually Work
Eventually, I stopped chasing sleep with technology and supplements. Instead, I restructured my evenings to support rest, not force it. Here’s what worked for me — the six shifts that finally gave me back my nights.
Six Practices That Helped Me Sleep Again
- 1. Prioritize a bedtime ritual — not a morning one
While the world obsesses over 5 a.m. routines, I began focusing on what happened after 8 p.m. I now wind down like I did when my children were small: skincare, soft lighting, quiet tasks, and changing into comfortable clothes as soon as I’m home. - 2. A hot bath with intention
About an hour before bed, I take a bath with magnesium flakes and lavender oil. No music, no scrolling — just a candle and silence. It’s not just relaxing, it signals to my body that it’s safe to let go. - 3. Eat earlier in the evening
Dinner is now at least three hours before bedtime. It was a challenge at first, but it’s made a huge difference in digestion and nighttime breathing. According to a respiratory consultant I spoke with, eating late can worsen acid reflux and disturb sleep. - 4. Caffeine cut-off and supplement support
I’ve moved my last cup of coffee to midday and replaced melatonin with a supplement called Diome Rested, which helps me drift off without grogginess. I’ve also limited alcohol and sugar, both known sleep disruptors. - 5. Mentally prep for tomorrow
Before bed, I take five minutes to mentally walk through my schedule for the next day. Knowing what’s ahead helps reduce nighttime ruminating and lets my brain stop spinning. - 6. Take mindful breaks after bad nights
Not every night is perfect. On off days, I sneak in mini pauses — five to 10 minutes with my eyes closed, doing a calming stretch or breathing exercise. It helps reset the nervous system and gives my body a chance to recalibrate.
Stretching Toward Sleep
One of the most effective habits I’ve developed is a nightly series of stretches, done right beside my bed on a yoga mat. Here are a few of the postures from Sanfilippo’s method that I return to night after night:
- Legs elevated at a 90-degree angle — Resting legs on a chair while lying flat releases pressure from the spine and helps the body fully relax.
- Supine twist — With knees bent to one side and arms stretched wide, this classic yoga pose unwinds spinal tension and soothes the nervous system.
- Wall press or chair grounding — During moments of anxiety, pressing hands into a hard surface or gently pushing feet into the floor grounds excess energy.
Final Thoughts
Getting older doesn’t mean sleep must slip away forever — but it does require us to meet our bodies with new strategies and deeper understanding. My 21-year-old self may have passed out without trying, but at 51, sleep comes when I move through the day with intention and compassion. There’s no perfect formula, just practices that work with, not against, your body.
And that’s the biggest shift of all: I’ve stopped treating sleep like a prize I have to earn — and started treating it like a gift I can prepare for. One stretch, one breath, one ritual at a time.
